My games just don't sell enough to be worth the effort - or the expense of paying someone competent what they are worth - and I won't take advantage of someone either. That's just wrong. Am I hypercritical? I don't know. I don't think so - still, how would anyone know? All I know is there is no joy or peace for me in painting any more. I'm quite happy with my writing and my game design. I enjoy the hell out of playing my games. I write and write, and I feel good about the time I spent writing. It feels productive. Not my painting. That's all just a waste of time, and I haven't got a lot of time left.
Maybe that's it? I started out in life with nothing but praise for my artwork. I won awards and competitions in my youth, but gave it up to pursue music, then other things happened. I didn't start painting again until I was in my late forties. Maybe I just think to myself that I'm almost sixty, and I should be much, much better than I am. I should be able to do this *right* by now, and I can't.
Thanks for listening, empty internet! :D