I've included some ersatz reviews in High Strung, including these "Random Blurbs from Non-Entities:"
"Random snatches of mere ugliness sunk in a vast
miasma of yawning horror"
"A sullen, brutish ignorance hammering in vain anger at
the gates of music."
"At times I almost didn't want to eat a shotgun"
"Like the sound of 20 zombies fapping into roadkill, full
of sound and fury, and signifying lobotomy"
"To take the edge off the taste, I stuck my tongue repeatedly
into a nearby socket"
"All the grace and delicacy of a pig on quaaludes lap
dancing in a clown suit."
"I sadly realized I could've been puncturing my testicles
with a power drill instead"
"A buzzkill four lines of coke couldn't dent"
I want to put three of them on the back cover, but which ones would have the biggest impact?