A Digression

I make a lot of jokes on how few fans my RPGs have. I make jokes about my "stealth marketing" and how "I had a fan once, but he retired" and the like. It's exaggeration for laughs, but it's pretty much true in spirit. That has apparently led some folks to believe I think I'm not getting my fair share of interest.

That is not in the least true. My games are getting exactly the lack of attention I deserve. If I wanted fame and fortune, why am I not spamming for my games? I should work at that, but I won't. Even when people are specifically asking for something I just feel stupid, awkward, and horribly self-conscious. Fault all mine.

I should be part of some group, like the OSR or the Story Games movement. Both of them boost their members' games by cross promoting like crazy, all part of the movement, and all working for some end. I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I'm not much of a joiner. Like Groucho, I would never join a club that would have me as a member! Causes and movements leave me bored and uncomfortable. I boost a lot of other designers' games, because I just really like those games. They have not much in common, really. It's all over the place. No coordination. Awful job, really!

I should write games that people actually *want*! If I did that one thing, if I just paid attention to trends and stuff, I could hop a wave and cruise. Instead, I only write games about things that interest me, and those are usually quirky, strange, and don't fit what anyone is looking for. Really - I can't imagine someone searching desperately for a game about a 21st century world where 19th century science was correct. What am I thinking? I really should stuff some Cthulhu in there. or just drop the science and make it Steampunk, but I won't. See the stupid trend here? Mulishness.

I really should get involved writing for some popular system like FATE or Savage Worlds or something. People who write for these game systems have a built-in audience, and these are fine systems! Not this special snowflake!  I'm too interested in refining my own system. It's starting to vaguely resemble what I wanted when I started it 12 years ago. A little more chiseling, some polishing, and in another dozen years maybe it'll be mostly done. Like anyone but me cares! It's not like we are facing a critical shortage of RPG systems! Why doesn't that matter to me? It really should!

So, it's my own fault. It's like I deliberately set myself up to disappear!  I have no interest in or talent at leading, and I refuse to follow, so I should get out of the way, right? Except I don't see it that way. I'm on a journey to wherever my mind takes me, and just because I don't want anyone following me doesn't mean I'm not glad of the company if someone is heading in the same direction for a bit.